Lightning Storm

          I was at friends house when they asked me to go get some frosty’s, as I was going there I passed my mom’s work and it started raining.  Thunder and lightning soon followed, I then heard the voice of George Lopez’s mom (from his TV show) say, “oh so it’s lightning you want?”   I saw lightning flash once, then again. The third one stayed connected to the earth for a long time, I started hearing people screaming.  I pulled out my video camera to get some sick shots of the lightning. Then the next one that fell from the sky looked like a ball made of lightning.  I started to freak out because it was destroying shiz all around me, so for some reason I jumped out of my car and started running.  As I was running seeking shelter the dad from GeorgeLopez’s TV show caught me and put a metal lightning conducting crown on me that I was unable to remove.  I ran like a MOFO into someone’s house but the lightning was still attacking me I finally was able to throw off the crown as I ran into another house and hid behind the couch.  Everyone came and found me, the lightning had diminished and some gangster stood before me asking my forgiveness for placing the metal crown on my head, I waited a while before I forgave him.

Hello Cello

          I finally was able to get a Cello. I had millions of people distracting me. Every time I sat down to learn how to play it someone would bug me. No one would teach me how to hold the bow no one would give me enough room to sit down and play.  I finally got a teacher but she cut all the strings off with some scissors, I was like WHAAAT?! Well I got some new strings, made everyone leave the room and held the bow, placed the cello in the appropriate position, took a deep breath, placed the bow one the strings… then woke up.

Trip to the Lake

           There I was at a lake with some dream people and real people. We decided to go scuba diving in the lake because the bottom of the lake was full of seaweed that would wrap around you and drown you.  We were under the water and one of my friends said she wanted to show me something, we swam to a wall of the lake where there was a tunnel, she said it lead to the castles bathroom. So we got out of the lake and started walking to the castle. It was not a far journey we climbed up the stairs to the castle and went through the huge door. She led me through the castle and into the mensroom. She lifted up the back of the toilet and there was the other end of the tunnel.  I laughed because we were swimming in peoples feces. As we were exiting the castle an employee with the castle stopped us because we weren’t supposed to be in there. She accused us of doing things inappropriate in the castle which made us laugh. She got mad and issued us a ticket with fines exceeding 11,000 dollars. Our offenses included disappointing the king. We walked from the castle murmuring about the tickets then we sat at the grass surrounding the lake. There were two dogs sitting next to me, a brown one and a black one, I turned and told them that they should go visit the kingdom next door so that the brown dog can learn to be a better king. The black dog told his king that would be an excellent idea. I turned to the girl to show her how cool I was for convincing the King to leave… she didn’t even notice.

Dream Dating

                 I was at a dream friend’s house waiting for the arrival of a blind date that I did not want to be on. And since the date was a creation of my dream I already knew she was hideous.  I was standing by the counter when she arrived and I was trying my hardest to be nice.  Then she sat at the table and started eating. As she ate she started to become transparent, then she completely faded away.  The room I and the other dream people were in became pure white and the camera view panned around to reveal Patrick Warburton (The voice of Cronk from “The Emperor’s New Groove”) standing in the doorway.  We all just kind of looked at him for a moment then he said, “Your stare is no doubt due to my gallop.”  And with that he began galloping away. We followed him for a moment down a very thin hallway until we could no longer fit.

                Then immediately I was driving in a mini coop with an old girlfriend of mine to a spot we used to visit and watch the city lights. As we took the once abandoned road there were giant highways and buildings being built.  We were very disappointed so we parked to see what was going on when a construction crew started yelling at us to get out. They were about to bump a huge amount of cement right where we were walking. So we turned and ran back to my mini coop and as we were pulling out some woman slammed right in to the front of my car. She sped off so we tried to chase her but another car ran in to my side and the woman got away. We finally got out of the pouring cements way and stopped at a park to call the cops but our phones would not dial.

Job Search

Job 1:  I was called onto a job where we were rebuilding a grocery store. The boss started yelling to everyone to come to the van in the parking for a team meeting before we started. As I approached them he kept yelling “get to work, get to work!” I kept walking towards him then looked around and saw everyone else getting to work. So I turned around and went to the construction site.  I had to walk up this really tall plank to start building the walls when. I reached the top and one of the guys told me to start throwing the drywall down to the ground without breaking them.  I started tossing the drywall down but it was such a long drop that it was impossible to not have them shatters.  I walked down and started picking up the broken pieces of drywall.  I was quite confused about this job and finally the day was over.

                Job 2:  After the job I was talking to a dream person who said she was a rent a cop. Suddenly the dream had a very “Cops” feel to it. She was telling me how she became a Rent-a-cop (Using that term) and that her father made fun of her for it.  She told me how she had to arrest some lady for parking her car crooked in the parking spot. And that she didn’t get to carry a gun. So the next day I returned to the construction site in Rent-a-cop clothing that was much too big for me.  I also had this Velcro harness on not that was not so comfortable in the groin area.

                Job 3:  suddenly there I was on a space shuttle listening to the captain order me to help the people on the bridge. Apparently we were under attack by the Russians who were flying this really old rusty spaceship that looked like a civil war style submarine.  As I was walking on a very thin walk way to the bridge I fell off. I looked down and the only thing that stood between me and the life sucking outing space was a thin sheet of glass. I saw two steel doors beginning to shut under the glass but it was too late and I hit the glass. But instead of shattering it started electrocuting me. Finally someone reached down and pulled me to safety.

This one was short

Howard Stern told me to protect the lioness.

From Hong Kong to Home... ish

          There I was in Hong Kong with two other dream people it, was all post apocalyptic looking and we were hiding in a car. Someone was narrating how it got to that point. There was a war and the government was too corrupt to fix it. Any ways there was a group of crazy people that was going around killing people. Me and the two dream people found a car to hide in. they were saying we would be safe if we stayed in the car. As we tried to roll up the windows a wolf jumped in it was violent then all the sudden was tamed. Then we heard someone coming so we turned off the car. I got out to see what was going on when a very tall man carrying a shovel spotted me.  And the battle ensued. We struggled back and forth I grabbed the shovel, we were both trying to pull it from each other’s hand.  I held on to the end and walked around the car so he was holding one end and I was holding the other end of the shovel and I yanked it out of his hand. He then tried to run away and started yelling so I started hitting him with the head of the shovel in his upper back then I knocked him to the ground and chopped his head off just as another freak came around the corner, so I hit him with the shovel as well and beheaded him as well. I got the dream people out of the car and said we needed to run.  I, for some reason threw the heads of the slain through the window which alerted the other crazies so we started running. We ran into this huge warehouse and I basically became the bad ass leader. We heard the people coming so I ran and jumped through the window and landing in the back yard of the warehouse. The other two followed along with our newly trained wolf. We ran to the fence and climbed on top.  The other dream person complained saying “great we have to do this completely in the dark.”  I, being the bad ass, jumped down to the other side of the fence, in the dark.  We were then in the backyard of my uncle Jonathan's.  I ran to the corner of the garage and said, "we should get on top and watch the crazy people and study their behavior."  So as the three of us climbed on top of the house we tried to be as quite as possible. We started down the roof, I knew we had to be careful because I knew my uncle had installed a new high-tech security system. As I hung off the edge of the house to get down I heard a few beeps the other people started hanging down too and the beeps intensified. “Crap, crap get up get out of the view of the camera’s” I yelled but it was too late. The alarm sounded and we jumped from the house. “Face recognition activated” the female computer voice announced. The lights turned on lighting up the back yard. We all scattered like cockroaches to find a dark hiding place as my uncle, who for some reason had an uncanny resemblance to Charleston Heston as Moses, came out with a huge flash light.  He spotted my companions and started yelling at them to get out of his backyard. They tried to explain what was going on but he wouldn’t hear it.  He then continued his search for other hooligans lurking in his back yard.  I was lying in a tall patch of grass that apparently hid me really we because he looked directly at me several times thinking he had seen something but never investigated it and went back inside. I remained there for a moment when instantly it was morning. A group of the people looking for us showed up. My uncle tried to stop them and kick them out as well but they killed him.  One of them came very close to my hiding spot when the security system voice sounded again. “Face recognition activated.” I then watched him pull a mask of Moses from his backpack and placed it on his head. The Security system recognized him as my uncle and shut off. They were all looking around the yard for me and I knew I would be spotted had I stayed so I quickly stood up and exclaimed, “Love to stay and chat but I am outta here!!!” and started running my fastest.  I ran through the back yard, that turned into a giant vegetable garden where I had some more dream friends that were a part of some undercover group, they handed me a shocker and I kept running as they fought my enemies. I kept running the garden became the backyard of a middle school where groups of LDS missionaries were running half of them attacked me while the other half tried to protect me. I ran through them and started up a mountain path.  As I reached the mountain path I was with a bunch of people, both dream people and actual people. We all were singing hymns. And as we traveled to wherever it was we were going those people who were chasing me no longer seemed to be a threat so we all came back from the mountain.  Then I awoke.